• mom chat // why did you decide to have kids?

    11.12.2012 / personal

    mom and baby

    Last week, I had an exciting email exchange with a friend that’s thinking of starting a family with her husband, and I kept thinking how I was at that very stage just over a year ago (my goodness how the tides have turned!). She asked how I knew that I was ready, and I thought I’d share my story here!:

    Ken was ready first. We were driving home from visiting our godson and started chatting about when would be a good time for us to start our own family. (To be honest, when we were first married, we didn’t know that we even wanted kids!) And suddenly, I noticed that I didn’t get that usual ping of anxiety that I used to whenever Ken brought up the idea of children. It was a small sign, yes, but I knew in that moment that I really did want to start a family of my own. For the next few days, I pictured what our life might look like as parents (that very word used to scare me silly!), and I realized that I didn’t want to be 80 and celebrating Christmas without the pitter patter of tiny grandchildren feet scattered about. Isn’t it funny the things we visualize?

    Of course, that didn’t mean I was ready, but we decided to take the plunge anyway (and then Bee came along 9 months later!). I’m curious to hear your stories – what made you decide to have kids? Was it a switch that flipped overnight, or did you always know you wanted to be mothers?

    Photo Credit // Woodnote Photography

    • Lynn

      I have always wanted kids in the back of my mind. I spent my thirties working hard and having fun and trying so hard to find Mr. Right. Met someone at 41 and had crazy chemistry and ended up getting pregnant unexpectedly and it has literally been the biggest blessing of my life. I am single, just turned 42 and will be 30 weeks on Friday and can’t wait to meet my little one. I didn’t get Mr. Right but I will have the love of my life come January!!
      I absolutely love your Letters to Bee and the pics just melt my heart!!

      • @Lynn – OMG what a whirlwind! Congrats to you – and good luck! :)

    • My husband always wanted kids, and so did I — but in a more abstract way. I was never one of those girls who always wanted babies or always wanted to be a mom. But like you, when I pictured myself as an old woman, the thought of not having a family made me so sad!

      My daughter is a couple weeks younger than Bee. :) I’ve been loving your posts about the adjustments involved in becoming a mom (and nodding vigorously in agreement and empathy) because WOW, this baby has rocked my world. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

      • @Sarah – I love how you described that – “in an abstract way.” Great point! And oh my goodness – it only goes up from here, right? Congrats on surviving the newborn phase! :)

    • I wasn’t sure I wanted kids either and now we have FOUR! Insane I know! :)) Our story is kind of wild, we actually decided to have one, loved her SO much and had such a great experience we had another then found out I have a heart valve problem (sneaky little valve didn’t show until I was pregnant and in my 30s) that needs a surgery to either replace it or stitch it closed. The Dr. said “have kids now then finish because after surgery you shouldn’t get pregnant” So we were like, “Let’s try for one more!” TWO more later, our lives are nutty, but completely full of love and I have no regrets–just NO time for cleaning! Ha! Joking aside–like you, I thought a lot about how I didn’t want to be old and without kids (funny, I had that thought too)

      p.s. thanks again for linking to my shoe tie project the other week. I’ve been a fan of your blogs for many years and it seriously made my day when I saw it in your links! :)

      • @Caroline – OMG you’re the sweetest (and I loved that shoe tie project!). My gracious, congrats on surviving 4! KIDS! And I’m hoping that sneaky valve problem has been cured and you’re feeling great! :)

    • i’ve always loved babies, but never really pictured myself as a mom thinking ‘i have so much to do and see before i’m ready to settle with a kid’. my husband had always been ‘no babies’ but knew eventually i’d like to start a family. i was so into ‘we’ll later see when’ when he surprised me with the question: when should we start trying?. i was SO happily surprised with the question and now am SO surprised at my ability to turn the switch so fast from ‘later’ to ‘i want it NOW’. we’ve been trying for 4mos now and are curious as to when it will happen for us. thanks for sharing your stories erin, ken & bee!

    • melissa

      my husband was ready way before i was – he says he saw a dad walking through a home depot holding a toddler’s hand and that did him in. i wasn’t ready until all of a sudden, i just…was. after trying for almost a year we had some tests done and learned that my husband is infertile. our mantra became, “baby in the house,” and we repeated it almost daily. we ended up using a sperm donor to get pregnant, and our 6 month old son is without a doubt the most wonderful thing that we’ve done in ten years of marriage.

      • @Melissa – OMG I love this story. What a heartwarming thought!!!! :)

    • I love all these stories! I’m in the “have always been ready” camp. I started babysitting at about the age of 7, and have never stopped helping others with kids whenever possible. My husband and I met in law school and have been married for a little over a year, and are hoping as soon as he gets a permanent job we can start trying. I can’t wait!

    • I always knew I wanted kids but when I hit thirty with no man in my life I gave up and decided I would be fine without. A month later my now-husband started flirting and I fell in love with him quickly (after working together for 6 months!), even told him early in the relationship that I wanted to have his babies and I think that was before he told me he loved me so I’m lucky I didn’t run him off… Anyway, we married a couple years later and started trying to conceive in late 2010, and now have a 15-week old, awesomely handsome, perfect baby boy. That year of trying was some of the most stressful, roller coaster emotional months of my life, no matter how hard I tried to chill and relax and let it happen but every bit was worth it, too. He’s enjoying being a daddy so much that I have to constantly remind him I’m not ready to have another RIGHT NOW, but we’ll try again soon. = )

    • Julie B

      Well, I too was on the fence about kids…for a long time. My husband had been very clear when we were dating that a family was important to him and over the years it came into clearer focus for me too. An enormous part of my hesitation was the fear of repeating my own parents mistakes, but then I realized that I was own person, and that through years of therapy I had the control over what type if mother I would be, my circumstances wouldn’t determine that for me. Well, that statement sure held some foreshadowing as once we got married we realized our circumstances weren’t great and having a family naturally might not happen for us. Back when we were still dating my husband went through a rigorous treatment for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma which concluded with a stem cell transplant. Typically patients are infertile after this process. We had banked sperm to be safe at the outset of his cancer diagnosis and boy were we glad we did. We began to look into IVF and all the expenses associated with it and it finally hit me how badly I wanted a family, and how hard I would now have to fight for one. Well, surprisingly while dealing with this news we conceived on our own. Our doctor’s called it a one in a million chance. Then we found out a month later we had miscarried and we were just crushed. After we could try again, we got pregnant again that first month, and I just gave birth to the most precious baby girl in August. I’m not sure if God intended me to go through that long journey to get me ready or to show me my true feelings on this subject, but I don’t really believe in coincidences so…

      • OMG what a miraculous story, Julie!! Thank you so much for being open and sharing this, and congrats on your precious baby girl! :)

    • I’ve got a definite case of baby fever, so this post (and all the comments) are really interesting to me! My husband and I will be married a year in March (together for 5 yrs though)..and I would be ready right now…but he’s not ready yet. We’re thinking we’ll start trying in Fall 2013 (eeek!)..so I hope that all our friends having kids (we know SO many pregnant ppl right now!) will move my hubs into the ‘i’m ready’ phase…we shall see! I’ll be 30 in april though, so i feel the clock ticking. We know so many people with fertiility issues that I’d be nervous to wait too long. Great topic! :)

      • @Kate – Love this! You’ll have to keep us posted on whether or not the tables turn and your husband decides to take the plunge! ;)

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