• mom chat // why did you decide to have kids?

    11.12.2012 / personal

    mom and baby

    Last week, I had an exciting email exchange with a friend that’s thinking of starting a family with her husband, and I kept thinking how I was at that very stage just over a year ago (my goodness how the tides have turned!). She asked how I knew that I was ready, and I thought I’d share my story here!:

    Ken was ready first. We were driving home from visiting our godson and started chatting about when would be a good time for us to start our own family. (To be honest, when we were first married, we didn’t know that we even wanted kids!) And suddenly, I noticed that I didn’t get that usual ping of anxiety that I used to whenever Ken brought up the idea of children. It was a small sign, yes, but I knew in that moment that I really did want to start a family of my own. For the next few days, I pictured what our life might look like as parents (that very word used to scare me silly!), and I realized that I didn’t want to be 80 and celebrating Christmas without the pitter patter of tiny grandchildren feet scattered about. Isn’t it funny the things we visualize?

    Of course, that didn’t mean I was ready, but we decided to take the plunge anyway (and then Bee came along 9 months later!). I’m curious to hear your stories – what made you decide to have kids? Was it a switch that flipped overnight, or did you always know you wanted to be mothers?

    Photo Credit // Woodnote Photography

    • Heidi

      I always knew I wanted kids, as did my husband. We got married very young, so for us it was something we wanted to wait on. My second niece, M, had been born and we were babysitting her and her older sister, E, who was upstairs in bed. We heard a thud and when I went upstairs, E had fallen out of bed. She was only partially awake, but as I tucked her back into her bed, I knew that I wanted to to that for my own kids. It took us another 2.5 years to figure out the timing between careers and challenges with not getting pregnant right away, but when our little June arrived, we knew it was just at the right time.

    • I’ve always known I wanted babies. :)
      As soon as my husband and I got married five years ago, we started trying. My husband was totally on board but it didn’t get fully real to him until we started going to our reproductive endocrinologist. Now, even though we don’t have our babies yet, he’ll pull me into a hug and say, “I can’t wait until we have babies.”
      I feel like I’ve been waiting thirty years for babies and I know I’ll get them one day. It’s lovely to know my husband is excited as I am. :)

    • For a few years, whenever i got a couple drinks in me, i would chant “BAAAAABIES!” to my husband hoping that it would edge him closer to being ready. We both wanted kids, I was just ready earlier. I grew up around a big extended family and had a fair amount experience around kids, but he didn’t and that lack of a reference point worried him. I didn’t want to push him into it before he was ready so we were married a few year before we started trying (and just over a year after we pulled the goalie for me to actually get pregnant). In that time a few friends had kids, which gave him some buddies to turn to with dad questions. We have a beautiful 10 week old boy. In hindsight the timing worked out just perfect.

    • Erin

      Throughout my teen years I would always say that I NEVER wanted kids, it just wasn’t something in the cards for me. But after Dru and I got married for some reason babies were always on my mind. Since we’d been together for 9 years before we got married we had talked about it frequently and we were both on the same page “no babies”. Well about 4 months after being married we started talking more seriously about the possibility and I went off my super long term bc (depo shot) because I had heard that it could take a year to get pregnant. That is when we learned that I might be infertile and was struggling with Endometriosis. The fact that I was told getting pregnant would be hard if not impossible, made me want babies even MORE! 2 years later and several rounds of surgery and fertility meds, lots of tears and “scheduled sex” we now have our little Stella. And now I want a MILLION kids (not really a million, but I couldn’t imagine my life without her and she will most definitely need at least one brother or sister) :) Sorry for my novel!

    • @Erin – OMG what a beautiful story! I sometimes wonder if those that struggle with getting pregnant appreciate their babies more? (I know that’s a very personal topic!) It seems as if they’ve had longer journeys and obstacles – thus making their victory babies that much sweater. Definitely food for thought! (And congrats – Stella is BEAUTIFUL!)

    • Beautiful stories, ladies – you are all such super women! :)

    • Rachael

      I’m definitely in the ‘always knew’ crowd. There’s actually a report I did in HIGH SCHOOL about what we wanted to be successful at, totally devoted to my dreams of motherhood (and my own awesome mom)!
      It’s funny though, how in my early twenties, I was NEVER in relationships long enough to think about marriage, let alone kids. So finally finding the ‘one’ and our new family is just a long time dream come true!

    • I have always admired pregnant woman and mothers; wanting a little one of my own to love and teach about the world. I have always known that I wanted to be a mother. My boyfriend and I are currently 8.5 months pregnant. We have been together for 11+ years and are very happily not married. We had discussed children several times in the past, but never really settled on when we would start our family. Then oops! We’re pregnant! It was a surprise, but a very happy one. Honestly, I think that if we hadn’t gotten pregnant we may have never had children. I don’t see us ever saying; “Yes, let’s have a baby!” – we would have always found a reason to wait. Now, it’s “we’re having a baby, yay!”

      • @Amy – Congrats! And oh, I’ve heard this time and again! Sometimes surprise pregnancies must be nature’s way of pushing you off the high dive. ;) Good luck; I’m sure you’ll swim beautifully! :)

    • I knew from my years of working with kids at a shelter for victims of domestic violence that I wanted to be a foster parent, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get pregnant and have a kid of my own. Our foster daughter has been with us since she was four weeks old, and her case has been uncertain for all ten months she’s been with us! The constant uncertainty (is she leaving? is she staying? forever, or for two more weeks?) made me realize I wanted to have a child of my own, just so I wouldn’t be depending on the county to tell me how long the child would be staying. We started trying this summer, and I’m cautiously optimistic about being nine weeks pregnant right now, after a heartbreaking miscarriage a few months ago.

      • @Rachael: I’m so sorry to hear of your miscarriage, and wow – what a beautiful gift you’re giving your foster daughter. I’ll be thinking of you as you begin the process of trying!

    • I love this post Erin. I always laugh when I think about us deciding to have kids. We always knew we wanted a family but had decided to put it on hold for two more years to move to London. Little did we know that I was actually pregnant when we were having that conversation…so we jumped into family planning!

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