This fall, I’ve written down a few goals for myself (I can’t wait to share them here!) – one of which has been to spruce up my bedroom. Recently, I received a few finds from my favorite recent collaboration: Emily & Meritt for PBteen (by the way – my best kept secret for affordable decorating is to never discount a children or teen store when searching for unique decor!) and the dash of pattern and positivity and quirk was just what I needed to lure me into the quiet more often than not. I’ve been organizing jewelry onto hooks and clearing books from my nightstand and, gosh, there’s just something about fresh, new clean sheets, you know? So far, it’s working wonders to have a retreat that feels inviting but inspiring, and I’ve found myself heading to bed earlier and earlier knowing that a peaceful, uncluttered haven awaits me. Because here’s the thing:
This fall has been one of the busiest seasons yet. And it’s weird, because from the outside, my life looks very not-busy-at-all. I wake up at 7ish, make breakfast for Bee and play with her uninterrupted, reading books and throwing dance parties and pulling toilet paper off every roll in the house. It’s one of my favorite parts of my day – so calm and peaceful and morning-like with no technology pings or alarms or reminders to pull us from the moment. And then I head to my local coffee shop at 10 to sit down in a corner of the world with a massive mug and a matching to do list. I nearly always pack up by 5-6 and bring home some take-out (thank you, Chipotle, for sustaining the Loechner family), settling in for a night of dinner and baths and story time, and then, after Bee goes to bed, it’s time for more work. And that’s when things get hairy.
I used to be good at this – going to bed at a decent hour. I was always tucked in by 11 or so, usually sooner. And then, I launched this beautiful beast, and suddenly the world seemed like it needed everything from me, all at once. And I offered it, at the expense of my sanity and sleep. I’ve had no less than three semi-nervous breakdowns this weekend, many of which arrived upon the realization that I have zero clean clothes and [seemingly] zero time to wash them. This says a lot, because friends, I have a lot of clothes. It was as if the pile of dirty laundry signaled everything that had taken a back seat in my personal life – family visits and nephews’ soccer games and just, life. I’ve been moving through life with a work filter for the past month, throwing spare change into the piggy bank of productivity when I should have spent it on something more valuable. Family, friends, moments.
And of course that’s not a sustainable course of action. I know this. My heart knows it, and my gut knows it, which is why I get a ping of anxiety when a new email rushes in and it’s an opportunity I know I should accept, but know that I shouldn’t. Should-but-shouldn’t is the soundtrack playing in my head, looping unnecessary stress and playing sad songs no one wants to hear. So this month, my new goal is this: rest and rejuvenation. It seems fitting that I always seem to throw myself into the fire during fall – the bright, bold colors are ablaze and eventually give way to the calm of winter. But this year, I don’t want to wait for the white space that snow provides. I want to create it myself.
Here’s to rest and white and clean sheets and self-care. Here’s to fall goals, friends.
Image Credits: My dear husband