Here’s what I want to tell you today. I want to tell you that, if my words are causing vibrations that are running opposite to the truths you hold – sound waves striking dissonance or resistance or choppiness in the good and worthy balance you’ve been working toward, close this browser.
There is a difference between being actively challenged and being passively influenced.
The first is to arrive with a softened heart and an open mind, but with searching eyes and tuned-in ears, both promising to look, to see, to listen, to hear. What am I reading? Why am I reading this? What does it mean for me? Is this a truth I am going to believe? Is this is a perspective I am seeking to adopt?
The second is quite the opposite.
The first happens, for me, when I am quiet, and contemplative, and the toddler is napping and the dishwasher is humming and I would really, truly like to read something that makes my soul stir.
The second happens, for me, in another manner entirely. It’s hopping on my phone to Google a recipe in the grocery store and I find myself habitually opening Instagram – oh, I’m sorry, I’m totally in your way, let me move over here by the oranges – and gracious, that stir fry photo she just posted looks way better than the sauteed kale I’d planned for, and yes, I have snap peas at home, maybe I should pick up some water chestnuts and sesame oil?
Except that, most times, it’s not about stir fry at all.
I’m in the bathroom now, and the toddler is loudly splashing, and the dogs are barking and the day has been long and hard and kind of heavy. And your sunlit corner loft, the one by the fiddle leaf fig tree and the sheer curtains, book on lap, bustling city below? That looks pretty nice right now. I want that instead. I want to trade the truth I’ve arrived at – that this life of messy all-in suburban motherhood is precisely what I want – for a single slice of your life that looks appealing when my eyes are glazed over and my heart is tired.
We know we’re not supposed to grocery shop when hungry. We know the result – a cart full of empty choices that make us salivate but will not nourish. And yet, we do this every day, right here. We blink at the screen, our thumbs scrolling down, down, down. Another sunset. Another macaroon. Another fiddle leaf fig tree.
We are starving, our hunger insatiable. And we mindlessly, accidentally, subconsciously fill our grocery carts – these beautiful minds – with empty choices that make us salivate but will not nourish.
I’m in the bedroom now, and the toddler is asleep and Ken is out of town and the day has been long and hard and kind of heavy. And your date night, the one with the candles and the poetry and the guitar solo he sang for you? That looks pretty nice right now. I want that instead. I want to trade the truth I’ve arrived at – that love means service and comfort and taking out the trash – for a single slice of your life that looks appealing when my eyes are glazed over and my heart is tired.
I’m sorry, I’m totally in your way, let me move over here by the oranges.
I’m in the kitchen now, and the toddler has thrown a tantrum, and the day has been long and hard and kind of heavy. And your smiling family portrait, the one in the orange grove where you’re wearing the chambray dress? That looks pretty nice right now. I want that instead. I want to trade the truth I’ve arrived at – that my family is precisely the gift I need and that our struggles are uniquely suited for us – for a single slice of your life that looks appealing when my eyes are glazed over and my heart is tired.
I am Eve, trading gardens for apples.
I am Erin, trading here for there.
Now for then.
When for if.
And so, here is what I want to tell you. If reading the book of my life takes you away from the path you believe you are intended for, and the truth that you have arrived at, then please, put me back on the shelf.
Next to the apple.
There might be a season where messages of slowing, or minimizing, or lessening, might be encouraging for you. And yet, perhaps this is your season of more. Perhaps this is your season of tasting and seeing and knowing it is good.
If so, I’ll be here, and you be there.
I’ll wave to you.
We have both been given gardens.
Our own Edens, worlds apart but sharing the sun.
I LOVE this. This is beautiful! Wonderful perspective, definitely thought provoking.
Thank you, Elania!
Love the way you describe this! Trading truths, and apples for gardens. I agree completely. Amazingly well written of course too! I have become more and more aware lately when I do this when I could be taking in the moments with my kids. It will help to consider the concept of trading in my truths for a slice. Glad you shared! And fun to see you!!
Amen, sweet roomie – miss you!!!!!!! :)
beautifully written and expressed. I am 56 years old and find this truth is a lifelong struggle. Every season of life has its beauty but also the tugging that I am missing out. The call to another world, the lie that this isn’t enough… Set the apple aside and be attentive to the moments of today. Thank you Erin!
Ah, thank you for your wisdom, Julie!!!!
I loved your soul stirring post…..truly beautiful how you evoke such images with your words!
Thank you, Kerry!
Wow, just wow. Thank you
What an insightful and unique way of pinpointing the exact feelings so much of us process each day. Thank you for sharing your words.
Thank you, Greer!
I have never read your blog before (found the link on Hey Natalie Jean) and I absolutely LOVE this essay. Beautiful.
Thank you, Valerie – and welcome! Love that sweet Natalie.
!!! and XOXO
(I could go on and on, but that sums up my reaction to this gorgeous, wise, post. I love you, and am so thankful for you!)
Oh Asha, I love you right back, sweet friend!!! Thank you!
Beautifully written! I read it twice, will save it for future read too! Insightful and so true! !
Thank you, Rashi. :)
You are an amazing poet. There is so much truth in what you have written. I have not actually ever read your blog in full. I’ve skimmed it a bit because I have been interested in minimizing my wardrobe. But, now I realize that instead of scrolling through hundreds of pictures on various blogs that I cannot even muster the brain power to read can be so fruitless when I could be appreciating this life I lead now and actively participate in it. Thank you for this. Be well.
Thank you sweet Marissa – I so appreciate your kind words. :)
How poetic.
Your life does not take me away from my path instead I think, at times, it helps keep me on my path.
I’ve put many books of lives back on the shelf but yours I think I’ll keep on my bedside table next to the flowers. :)
Oh you sweet girl!!! :) Love you.
Erin – Brava. Beautifully written. “Trading Gardens for apples” is a concept to hold onto.
Thank you, Linda. :)
Erin. This I my first time reading your blog. This was just what I needed to hear today.
Thank you, sweet Rhondi!!!
wow. oh yes. thank you!
First time visitor here Erin; your words were spot on for me, tears brimmed. Thanks for the poetic reminder that green eyes or not where I am is perfect for me & where everyone else is is perfect for them too. To each their own seasons.
Ah, thank you sweet Emma!!!
your words are so lovely. thank you for sharing them.
Thank you, Elise. :)
You know I’ve been thinking (and writing) a lot about this very thing lately. Well said, friend.
This could not be any more perfect. Beautiful & inspiring. Convicting & lovely. Thank you for posting.
This was beautiful and honest. Convicting and lovely. Like looking into a mirror for the thoughts that run through my mind daily. I’m going to run through my garden with joy today, even if it is because my toddler found crayons, or scissors, or something else that is destructive or dangerous. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing, Sarah! :)
a maze balls.
I needed this. Right now!
Thank you.
you’re welcome :)
I may read this every day for the rest of my life. This is the daily struggle we all face, comparison. It will kill us if we let it. A beautiful reminder to put it back on the shelf.
Ah, you’re so kind, Stacy – thank you for the encouragement. ;)
Such a beautiful reminder, so beautifully written. Thank you for this.
Thank you!
This was just as refreshing and crisp as that apple looks. Here I am with a tired heart, when the day has been long and hard. A sick seven year old sleeps in her bed across the hall, along with her five year old sister. I can hear them sigh and breath. My husband is downstairs with our twin toddlers listening to soft music, and I’m getting to renew my energy a bit doing some blog reading.
This post was a beautiful reminder that we are exactly where we are supposed to be. Thank you for writing it. This is my first time on your blog. I’ll be back.
we are exactly where we are supposed to be – yes! and thank you for your kind encouragement, bibi. :)
Thank u so much for that truth and truth it is. I am caught up In all that you mention but I surf also for wonderful encouraging arm around the shoulder words like yours. You’re new to me. My daughter liked you so I read your post. Thanks you for perspective and truth in love to ponder. Hope to see you again. It was worth the quick peruse before bed :). I shall remember what you said.
nice to meet you, mm – thank you! :)
Love!
beautiful.
I think this such a lovely piece. A friend and I have been discussing how we are starving for connection and community. Our social media habits, including surface level conversations and comparing our insides to other people’s outsides, really contribute to our starvation. Thank you for sharing this lovely perspective!
You’re so welcome; love your perspective, Angie! :)
This voices so well the stage of my life that I am in right now. It helps revalidate my decision to close my facebook.
It is so easy to admire the gardens of others while our own goes to weed. We should not apologize for taking the time to turn inward and work on our own patch of Eden.
Thank you, Anu – love your thoughts. :)
oh my.
This was so absolutely beautiful.
It’s a concept that a lot of people feel but never put their finger on and you honestly put it into words. Actually, you made it come to life and it was so beautiful. I am genuinely blown away.
Thank you so much.
I just found your blog and I am book marking it forever!
Oh Hannah, thank you! So kind of you to say!! :)
absolutely. Empty calories. So how do we fill up first? Make sure we head into our day nourished rather than hungry?
I like to start by centering my day with the truths I believe (for me, many of these come from the Bible!). If I can keep coming back to these truths, it’s more difficult to be swept away into envy-inducing territory. :)
dear erin … i just popped over from trina @ lalalovely … you are a wonderful writer … it seems everyone is searching … reading … pinning … peeking into the worlds of others … i continue the quest to pare down, but your words are true … life keeps happening … and it is not all pretty … but it is those slivers of simple moments of wonder … to appreciate and lock into our memory … it all goes by far too quickly … thanks for your beautiful words
ah thank you sweet dawn!
this is so beautiful. thank you.
Thank you, Laurel!
This is really gorgeous, and true and wonderful. It resonated so much. Thank you.
Thank you, Nathalie!
Yes. Thank you. This is so helpful as I move forward in my own life and writings to create a meaningful presence – something that nourishes.
Thank you, Sarah!
I love this so very much – I spend far too much time mindlessly consuming, and since becoming a mom 7 months ago I’m finding a lot of the things I’m looking at have been detrimental. I either start dwelling on how I want some other kind of life, or I get sad that I don’t have the time I used to to craft and wonder how these other people manage jobs and children AND to have time for themselves. Or there’s the picture-perfect photos, obviously staged, and my brain knows that and yet I still find myself wishing I had that kind of effortless life.
You’re not alone, sweet Marie – keep on being the mama you know how to be – sometimes it’s great to put the blinders on, you know? :)