A paraphrased interview with the 4-year-old on a winter afternoon walk:
Me: Hey, Bee.
Bee: I’m Rosebud right now. You can call me that if you want. I’m going to go ahead and call you Erin because there are just too many Moms to sort this whole thing out and there’s only one Erin, so I’m going to just call you that. But you can call me Rosebud.
Me: Hey, Rosebud.
Bee: Hey, Erin!
Me: I like your outfit.
Bee: Thank you (twirls)! It’s my team’s Christmas underform.
Me: Christmas uniform?
Me: Well, it’s lovely. Who’s your team?
Bee: Thank you (twirls again)! Well, there’s Penny. And Elvis. And Chris and Martin, but Martin isn’t allowed to play because he keeps spraining his toe again and again and again, and like, his mom said no more.
Me: Oh goodness. What sport is it? Like, how does he keep spraining his toe? Same toe, even?
Bee: Yes. Isn’t that strange? He is so so strange. We don’t really play sports on my team. We’re just a team. So we wear a Christmas underform.
Me: Christmas uniform?
Me: Well, I like it. Can you tell me about it?
Bee: Well, I like the ballerina part (twirl) because if we have to put on a Christmas show – like, sometimes our sport is just doing shows again and again and again – I’ll already be dressed and I won’t have to change in the gas station bathroom and have germs. And I have a bow tie because I’m Rosebud, and my dog is Rosebud, too, and we always wear matching bow ties on our selves so that if we lose each other (twirl) we can look for the bow ties and other people can look for the bow ties (twirl) and then we’ll be found with bow ties on (twirl), plus bow ties are so so cute, don’t you think? (Twirl, twirl, twirl.)
Me: I do.
Bee: Do you want to know the best part of my Christmas underform, Erin? (Another twirl.)
Me: Sure do, Rosebud.
Bee: Our hat hides secret pistachios so we can have a snack and our moms don’t even know we’re having a snack and we don’t even have to ask permission, we just lift up our hat and out come the pistachios and our moms don’t even know!
Me: That seems…
Bee: I know! So silly! And then, wanna know what we do with the shells? It’s a surprise.
Bee: THEY’RE IN OUR SHOES! I know. I can’t even believe it either. We call our shoes our “secret shell devices.” They get the job done, you know. In the surprise way.
Me: Well, what does the vest do?
Bee: Nothing. It’s just a vest.
Bee: You can be so so strange, Erin.
Me: And that’s it? That’s the official Christmas uniform?
Bee: Well, there’s a shirt, too, because you have to wear shirts if you’re on public property because you can’t have a Dress Pass. (Editor’s note: Tresspass?) And socks. But you can really wear whatever socks you want, because there are some things you just have to make your own decides about, you know. I mean, I can’t decide your socks because I’m busy with all my other decides so you just have to decide your own socks.
Bee: But you should decide these, I think. I mean, if I’m gonna help you decide I’m gonna decide these.
Me: Thank you for the tip. Well, Rosebud, you look all ready for Christmas.
Bee: Sure am! Want me to help you pick out your Christmas underform?
Bee: I knew you’d say that.
Bee’s Christmas Underform was sponsored by Old Navy; thanks for reading! She’s wearing (and loving) the below: