Ideals + Musings

My (Sort Of) Resolutions

by erin |

ace-hotel

It takes me an inordinate amount of time to make resolutions, mostly because I make resolutions every.single.day so they’re kind of all used up when January 1st rolls around. I’m a natural-born goal-setter, dream-keeper, think-abouter, and I take pride in starting over near-daily, hitting the reset button on my life like a lamp that needs re-wiring. Here’s me:

I need to start drinking more juices. Ken’s always blending juices, and I keep hearing the word ‘detox,’ which sounds fantastic in theory. I’m going to the store to buy juice things. What goes in juice? Fruit and… more fruit? Googling. OK, I need ice, veggies, avocado. Fruit. OK, this sounds doable. Store. Now. I’m on it.

And I am. And then I decide to quit, because I second-guess the reason I started, like I didn’t do it for the right reasons. I shouldn’t juice just because Ken juices, I should want to juice. In fact, I should want to want to juice, but instead I want to want to go to Chik-fil-a again.

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And then I’m in the drive-thru, patting myself on the back for bucking peer pressure, even if it’s the good kind. It makes absolute no sense, but it means I’m an incredible justifier. I can find any reason to quit things. “I’m sorry, I can’t play the flute because I don’t want to take more than my fair share of everyone else’s air and then blow it out through this metal instrument that has all kinds of my germs all over it. I’m a saint, I don’t taint.”

No sense. No sense over here.

I don’t make resolutions. Resolutions just kind of find me. That’s what happens when you’re semi-flighty. You’re just kind of out there, floating through in your own headspace and – bam – you run into a big glass windowpane of a resolution like a feathered bird mid-flight to nowhere and everywhere all at the same time.

Here are mine. They’ll change next week (next hour), but as it stands, in this moment of history:

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1. Want to want to juice.
I cannot figure out why I don’t want to want to juice (or even want to juice, really). I mean, we get an inordinate amount of produce delivered bi-monthly. RIGHT TO OUR DOOR. And then I put it away in the fridge crisper, and it’s almost mocking me, like “We’re never going to see your face again, because we only have a relationship with your husband. We like him better. We all talk about you when you excuse yourself from the fridge.”

Editor Epiphany: I know why I don’t want to want to juice. The blender’s blades are so darn intimidating to clean. I’m going to want to want to get over that, starting soon. (Perhaps.)

2. Go to yoga.
I’m going to justify this one later for sure.

3. Put on my blinders, and then take them off, but put them back on again.
I had to make a really big work decision this month, and with my blinders on, it was pretty obvious what I needed to do – for myself. But then I took my blinders off and the distraction hit and everything looked really shiny and fantastic and suddenly I was thinking I should totally run off course and join the herd of other race horses following their paths. So I smacked myself, put my blinders back on and then I made the decision while looking at my own course, blinders on, head down. It feels good in my gut, and was a proper reminder to keep my head down and get to work. Running toward goals requires blinders, and playing in fields doesn’t. They’re both necessary, to put on and take off, but I need to remind myself when it’s an appropriate circumstance for each.

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4. Read the news.
Here’s an area where I should not be wearing my blinders. Listen, I hate reading the news. It permeates my skin and I feel powerless, because it’s like reading a marquee sign that spotlights everything wrong in the world (sometimes). But hey, marquee signs change all the time. But we can’t change them if we don’t know what’s playing, or what act should play next, or just how to get that grand act into town.

Here’s what I won’t be reading (blinders on!): pop culture. Nothing confuses me more than pop culture, so I won’t be spending my time deciphering the nonsense. Here’s what I will be reading (blinders off!): news. Preferably of the Dave Pell variety.

5. More singing.
I’m the sort of singer that is banned from Karaoke forever, because I sing loud and not only off-key, but I also sometimes string out notes that shouldn’t be there and it all blends together and then suddenly I’ve made up a song that doesn’t exist. So really, I’m a musical genius, one that is completely misunderstood. I’m basically Billy Joel.

But whatever. I’m singing anyway, because my daughter loves it and will soon hate it, and it also makes me laugh. And the only thing better than a dance party in the kitchen is a dance party in the kitchen while singing songs that aren’t supposed to sound anything like how the noises I’m making.

6. Ask questions.
I was a really compliant kid growing up, one that didn’t speak until spoken to and one that didn’t like to ask questions that might perhaps stir the pot. I’m still this way, and I’ve found that it prevents learning a lot of cool things, like why we think and act and say the things we think, act and say. I’m also finally going to ask someone to explain the whole Pluto debacle to me, because I still cannot at all wrap my head around that.

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7. Enjoy being a grown-up.
Being a grown-up is kind of a marathon, and sometimes I get super tired of it and just want someone to draw me a bath and feed me dinner, then read me a book and turn out the lights. But then I realize that being a grown-up means I can eat gummy worms for dinner if I want to, and I can wear whatever I want and can cut my own hair and run with scissors and light matches and catch a midnight flick. I’m going to do all of these this year, and I’m going to enjoy being a grown-up and show my daughter that it’s a really great thing to get old. It’s a really great thing.

8. Edit my closet.
I actually really need professional help with this one (who’s in?), because my gosh, it’s out of control. I have visions of Edited Erin, where she has nothing more than a simple daily uniform and a closet with like, 10 hangers and some great denim. I just need the rest to leave, but then I hate the idea of a personality-less wardrobe. I’m going to figure this one out for sure (and then justify it later, but then I’m going to really, really do it, seriously for real this time, no jokes).

I’m sure there’s more. But my favorite song just came on the radio, and I need to refill my coffee and remind two people in this house how much I love them. (That’s a resolution that’s never too hard to keep.)

Happy 2014, friends. What are your resolutions? Spill it – it’s only fair.

  • Okay, I love all of this, but I have to specifically comment on the juicing. Forget about the blender and get a juicer! You don’t get the fiber (truly the only bad thing about juicing) but something about it is just way more fun than making and drinking a smoothie (and then cleaning the blades). It took me a good 2+ years to get into the habit of regular juicing (I’m semi-flaky about this stuff, too) but it’s been worth the trial and error period. a recipe book really helps, too… “the big book of juices and smoothies” by natalie savona is my fave!

  • I’m probably never going to juice, but I love all your other resolutions, especially the one about blinders. Yeah, I need me some of those. I know I need to know more news, too–but like you, I hate knowing the news. I hate feeling powerless, and that’s what the news does to me.

    I’ve thought a bit about resolutions this year, and I’ve decided mine all come down to this: Clean as you go. In every area of my life. If I would just clean as I go, so many things would be better. Getting ready to write a hugely profound post on what this really means. Unfortunately, all the cleaning as I’ve been going has kept me from getting it written. :-) Yes: blinders.

  • Thanks for sharing, Erin! The downside of juicing is most definitely in the clean-up. Maybe you can make a deal with your husband and prepare all juices the first week while he cleans up? Once you’re hooked, it might be easier take the good with the bad.

    When it comes to making resolutions, I’m more of a mantra kind of girl. Trying to be a better human being this year :) which, I know, is quite the undertaking. I’d also like to consciously adopt your #7 and these words by Howard W. Hunter:

    “This year, mend a quarrel. Seek out a forgotten friend. Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust. Write a letter. Give a soft answer. Encourage youth. Keep a promise. Forgo a grudge. Forgive an enemy. Apologize. Try to understand. Examine your demands on others. Think first of someone else. Be kind. Be gentle. Laugh a little more. Express your gratitude. Welcome a stranger. Gladden the heart of a child. Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth. Speak your love and then speak it again.”

    • Oooooh, that Howard Hunter excerpt is TREMENDOUS. Thank you for sharing! Might need to tape that one to my door. :)

  • I have no juicing experience to share, but the not being enthusiastic about things you feel you should be enthusiastic about rings a bell.

    I think I’ll limit it to ‘eat less beige food’. I make no promises though…

    I like the idea of being a fun grown up too!

  • Holy moly #3 hit hard. I need to find some blinders. And find my course rather than playing in the fields all the time. Seriously.

    Please do sing, always and forever. I have a terribly off-key friend who won’t even sing Happy Birthday with the group because she gets so much flak from the group (darn them), and that breaks my heart. Sing, Kara, sing!!

  • You should look up Shape Note- its a participatory singing group with chapters all over the world. People get together and sing four part harmony songs, some gospel, some secular. Most groups are very happy to teach beginners. It’s a ton of fun and the only requirement is that you have to be loud. The soundtrack to Cold Mountain has a bunch of the songs we sing in it if you want to hear a sample. I’d highly recommend it!

  • Erin, I love reading your resolutions (and anti-resolutions) every year! I’ve worked on a list of personal and biz/art goals, but haven’t really thought in the realm of resolutions yet. I should, as I love the broad focus a resolution gives. This year, I need to be reminded to always seek the light, to stay positive, and to find the joys in life even if I may not be in the exact place I’d like to be in. As always, thank you for all of the inspiration, you’re a treasure :)

  • Wow – you put feelings into words in such a beautiful way.

    Resolution 3. hit home in such a big way. How do we manage to know when to spend time out in the field, enjoying the sun, the muck and the scent of growth? How do we know when to wear ‘blinders’? I’ve been thinking a lot about those who scan and make sense by gathering up insights from many different sources, and then make sense of them. I guess ‘blinders’ are what enable us to make sense of it all. Thanks for big and lovely thoughts on a Thursday the first week.

    sing. laugh and eat cinnamon toast (my favourite moment of today). x

  • Gosh, I need to incorporate #3 too! Sometimes I misplace my “blinders” though. Maybe I need to find a blinder leash so I can’t run too far – ha.

    Closet tip that worked for me: separate out an edited uniform & place it in it’s own space. Then see how often you reach for the “personality” pieces, those pieces that get repeatedly passed over can be donated without regret!

    • Ha, I am SO with you. And Michelle – I do this, yes! So glad to hear it works for someone else, too! I have my neutral drawer and my personality drawer. So far, I haven’t yet opened the personality one. ;)

  • Very inspirational Erin thanks for sharing. If you manage to stick to a concistent yoga routine it will pay off big time and might help with some of the others too

  • Wow, thats an ambitious list, Erin! This comment is directly in regards to #4. I do not especially like reading the news, but I HATE feeling out of touch with the adult world and unprepared to have an intelligent conversation about current events. Ever morning (I’m ashamed to admit it, but before I get out of bed) I read the skimm on my phone. I sound like their spokesperson, but its a really easy to digest 2-3 min run-down of current events. You can sign up here: http://www.theskimm.com/

  • “7. Enjoy being a grown-up.
    Being a grown-up is kind of a marathon, and sometimes I get super tired of it and just want someone to draw me a bath and feed me dinner, then read me a book and turn out the lights”

    This made me laugh! I usually live alone in a foreign country (basically a 24hour + trip away from the rest of the family) and recently when Mum and Grandma were here together, I got to be a baby again… But I do enjoy being grown up and knowing that I have the capacity to do ^&%& when ^%&^*&* needs to be done; I think with more responsibility comes more confidence and more confidence is good for less fear… (just to clarify – I completely realise I cant do everything or even anything completely independent of the world and its systems, but I know I can access them as and when needed)

    anyway, interesting ideas!!

  • I’m way late to this post, but the Pluto thing? Nothing about Pluto changed at all. Astronomers just changed the way they categorize it. Pluto was discovered before we figured out that there were a bunch of other things wayyy out there in the solar system that are a lot like Pluto. So when you organize the things in our solar system into categories of like objects, either you have to start calling a bunch of other things planets too, or you have to “demote” poor little Pluto.

    Anyway, that’s a lot of serious explanation about a comment I think you made somewhat jokingly in the first place. ;)

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