Below is a snippet of my hope-to-be-published memoir, Autohairography. If you know of a publisher that’s nice and likes quirky girls, please email me!
[image credit: martina korosec]
1997:
chlorine and clairol.
I joined the swim team in fifth grade because my older sister did, and I wanted to be just like her. Plus, she got to see Dan Harrison in a Speedo, which had happened to me so many times in my dreams that I thought it was time to happen in reality, too.
Swimming did nothing good for my hair, and in fact, did nothing good for my social life, either. I smelled of chlorine often, and my legs would always appear to be dry and itchy (probably because they were dry and itchy). My hair had that lovely greenish tint that can only be awarded with a three mile practice in our local high school’s natatorium.
After a particularly hard day, where my hair was particularly green, I professed my love to Todd McDougal after History period only to be brutally rebuffed again in Science class, I ran home to experience the beauty of Clairol.
I chose a very, very blonde shade that I assumed would make me look very, very tan, but instead my hair grew greener. My mother scolded me for being rash and made me keep the shade until it softened (her words, undoubtedly not mine). My hair never softened, and after two weeks I believe my mother felt sorry for me, because we made an appointment shortly thereafter for a visit with her hairdresser.
I believe I was the only eight grader in our town who had her hair stripped at such a young age, but after that, I had split ends for what seemed like forever. My hair turned thin and brittle and I vowed to never dye my own hair again.
Until I became a freshman, that is.
I had an experience in middle school with trying to achieve the color of Claire Danes hair in My So Called Life. 2 of my friends were supposed to dye theirs as well, but upon seeing mine, quickly changed their minds. I looked like an irish setter for 6 months. Apparently my hair absorbs dye very well. Note to all, bright lipstick does very little to distract your mother from such a drastic change as light blond to bright red hair.
Oh no, chlorine! I was always told that I was fortunate to have very dark hair for that exact reason. Although, because I was raised in a nearly-chemical-free house, the chlorine irritated my lungs instead. Not in a big way, mind you, so I still swam as often as I could! If it makes you feel any better, I always wished I could be on the synchronized swim team :)
HAAAAA i LOVED the show my so called life, so i can’t blame you in the slightest. ;)
e.
and brittany! you are adorable!