Below is a snippet of my hope-to-be-published memoir, Autohairography. If you know of a publisher that’s nice and likes quirky girls, please email me!
[image credit: gentleroom]
chapter three.
1991. aquanet.
It was upon the start of second grade that I knew my hair would define me for years to come. I was never deemed ‘four eyes.’ I wasn’t the fat girl, or the girl with hairy legs. Instead, I was the girl with the bangs. The very, very hairsprayed bangs.
Now, I am well aware that this was early 90’s, and everyone had hairsprayed bangs. But what one doesn’t quite understand was the extent to which these bangs were clustered together. In fact, my sisters and I often played a game with my bangs. We would curl the bangs under with my mother’s hot rollers and then spray the heck out of them. We would then take a number two pencil and insert the eraser side into the innermost wave of the bang. If it fell, there wasn’t quite enough hairspray involved and we would try again.
I remember just once the pencil fell. Every other time, it stayed in place, quite resembling a pig in a blanket. Needless to say, AquaNet was a staple in my household until it was recalled for an obscene amount of toxins a few years later.
We then switched to Suave.
Ha! I had the most hideous bangs until 8th grade, when I once and for all grew them out, and have never looked back. Best of luck in finding a publisher – wish I could help!
The joke on me in the middle school locker room was, “Need hairspray? Stand behind Janette.” Good times. :)
you’re too much!. i often feel that if i develop a lung issue it will be due to the use of hairspray!
I remember those bangs…
But I had the cow lick! I was always terrified my mom would burn my forehead with that curler!
Hairspray, bha!