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Currently

I order tomato seeds from Italy. I write a poem to my daughter’s friend. I meander through downtown gardens with my husband and youngest, popping in for a London Fog from a boutique hotel a few blocks away. While waiting for the barista, I people-watch, pretending I am just another tourist in a lobby full of strangers, deciding this old city would be one I’d visit again and again.

I spend 25 cents on a used paperback of The Doorbell Rang. I admire my daughter’s handmade phenology wheel. My family visits, and I reserve a table of 9 at the gastropub with the good pickles. I see cousins, aunts, uncles. We host the latter for white chicken chili while their hometown roads flood a few hours south. All month long, it rains and rains. We light a fire. I write the foreword for a dear friend’s upcoming book.

April brings another performance for the kids – Tom Sawyer. During an evening tech rehearsal, I watch a father accompany his daughter to her call time. They pause in front of the theater entrance. She offers him a half-hug and a smile, the common kind, that everyday, distracted goodbye our kids give us when they’re thinking of their lives inside those doors, friends waiting with Rubix cube tricks and cafeteria gossip.

She turns to leave and he stops her, motions that she has lipstick on her teeth. She moves her tongue around in earnest. It doesn’t come off. The father bends forward, peers again, rubs the lipstick off with the cuff of his hoodie, as if it’s a practiced motion, a mere part of his job, a shred of normalcy, as if he’s an old hat. The lipstick is off her teeth now, a streak of red on his fleece. She smiles, and it’s more than the common kind.

I have thought of this every day since.

On our coffee table:

Klara and the Sun, by Kazuo Ishiguro
A Trail Through Leaves, by Hannah Hinchman
The Hobbit, by J.R.R. Tolkien
Freckles, by Gene Stratton-Porter
Umbrella, by Taro Yahima
A Thousand Acres, by Jane Smiley
Humankind: A Hopeful History, by Rutger Bregman

The pear trees are in bloom, the grass an unfathomable shade of green. Bluebirds returning with the sun. My friends are pregnant. My church is renovating. Soon, we’ll move. All around, change. I feel it inside, bone-deep, this realization that transformation is inevitable. But I fight it anyway, hesitant of what’s around the bend. Aware that resisting change is futile, but unable to grasp for an alternative when the center tilts and I’m dizzied.

I need a handlebar, I explain to a friend. She suggests supplements, and I don’t have the heart to tell her that’s not what I mean.

Last week, we pile into airplane rows, some of us heading out west to work and others heading down south to play. I go south. The kids dive for pennies, chase seagulls, share frozen blueberries with a balcony view. One afternoon, I wave from the pier while the little ones accompany their grandmother on a dolphin tour. I walk the dog up and down the dock, and when the sun grows too hot, I tuck into an outdoor bistro with water bowls for the dog, fish and chips for me. I’d remembered my book, and this, I realize, was the luckiest hour I’ve known in many.

Later, the kids and I will fly home on a sunny day, sand in our backpacks. The 4-year-old bolts for the backyard, elephant scissors in hand, determined to cut a lawn that has grown wild in our absence. I watch her from the deck, darting between a hundred dandelions, snipping the heads of each, unshaken by the daunting task of taming what needs tamed. She needn’t rush, she knows. Eyes down. Weed by weed. One at a time.

And there it is: a handlebar, or something like it.

A Goal for 2025 (or Forever)

In our home, December offers a great pause. Few responsibilities are doled out, save for the finding of a missing puzzle piece, candying the pecans, raveling the yarn ball back into its basket. We read poetry and scripture daily, adding in a beloved picture book from years passed. We work with our hands, topping peg

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The Things We Need

Tis the season. Last weekend, the kids and I teetered up and down the attic stairs in search of salt dough stars and knitted stockings. Up and down, up and down, many times over, on the hunt for that one box with the Russian tea dolls, no not that one, the one with The Christmas

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Currently

The weather turned quickly after unseasonable warmth, and last year’s burgeoning woodpile beckoned an early burn. So we burned. Morning fires on repeat, three times over, until the wax preserve drips clean from a child’s leaf garland. A wonderful mess, scraping beeswax from brick. We resign to flameless candles until leaves are swapped for winter

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The Social Media-Free Creative

Shortly after publishing this post, my inbox became a beautiful jungle of sorts. I heard from hundreds of writers, creatives, and artists sharing a wide range of perspectives and experiences – Leaving social media? Impossible for my business! – to I’d love that. But how? I was curious to notice that, within each email, there

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On Choosing the Raven

We had been preparing for a move, a temporary one, in which we would spend our first summer sleeping on a raw 160 acres of newness, of mountains, of yarrow. And all was in tumult. Ken and I were juggling our own proverbial spheres – he, putting finishing touches on a rental property – me,

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