The contractions begin.
Bee is dressed for ballet. I’m adjusting her leotard, securing her loose blonde waves into a bun, clip to one side. A kiss on the cheek. The other 4-year-olds are skipping into class, bumbling into each other with excitement, energy. Trying to be graceful, trying to look tall.
See you in a bit, I say. Have fun!
Somewhere else, a woman labors.
—
Bee’s learned a new move, third position. She shows me after class as we walk toward the car.
Like this, she says, dropping my hand on the sidewalk, raising one arm overhead, the other bent in front. A small little bow.
Lovely, I say. Just lovely.
It is golden hour; the sun pours over us like magic.
Somewhere else, a woman groans.
—
As we drive home, she asks for snacks. She asks what we’ll be having for dinner, what we’ll be doing this evening, what’s the name of our neighbor’s cat again? Waffle?
I watch the road, I answer questions. I press repeat on the CD, then again, then one more time. Ah, yes. This one is her favorite. Skip counting by 6.
I can’t get it right, she says as her legs dangle the car seat. Is this point or flex?
She points her toes, calves revealing two tiny lumps. Flexes her ankles, bends them back, muscles tensing as they expand, contract, release.
Somewhere else, a woman pushes.
Flex, I say.
—
Dinner is buffalo chicken and cabbage wraps. Ken is home from a trip, his unpacked luggage still sprawled out in the dining room. I step over it as I set the table, gather napkins, not minding as much as I usually do. His weekender smells like patchouli, never a bad thing.
We eat, we talk. It’s bath night, I remind Bee, but she already knows.
Somewhere else, a baby cries.
—
The dishes lay in the sink for tomorrow. The toddler splashes, I brush my teeth. It’s late, I’m thinking of deadlines.
But then, the phone.
—
Do you have a minute to talk? the woman asks Ken. Is your wife there? She’s gonna want to hear this.
And then we were four.
—
I met him last evening. A boy, yes. Born at home. (Like Bee? Like Bee.) So fast, I know. He is beautiful. He is healthy.
He is yours.
—
We rush around, make phone calls. Bee is asleep in bed by now, do we wake her? Tell her the news? That she has a brother, that he is beautiful, that he is healthy, that he is ours?
We throw salami, carrots, grapes in a cooler. A change of clothes, deodorant. Phone chargers.
Ken tiptoes into Bee’s room, whispering. It’s late. But your brother is here.
—
We pile in the car, all of us. We drive. We drive and drive and drive and we meet him far after midnight and he is beautiful and he is healthy and he is ours.
I’ve been calling him Scout.
—
We didn’t know.
When Bee was twirling, when she itched her leotard, when I washed the cabbage, when I toweled her off in a sudsy puddle of bathwater, we didn’t know something lovely was being born.
How could we have known?
Earlier in the day, when we visited Ken’s brother to drop off a gift, when we stopped at the coffee shop for tea, when Bee made a new friend on the sidewalk and we smiled at our neighbors and filled up the gas tank and stopped at the bank and did everything in the most mundane of ways, how could we have known?
When I ran into a friend that afternoon, when she’d pulled over her car, asked for an update – Any news on a match meeting? – when I’d responded, Oh it could be years before a match; we just finished the paperwork! It’s ok, though, really!
We couldn’t have known. We couldn’t have known there was a woman – a stranger – laboring, pushing, spilling herself out to offer life to another.
Angels are often unseen by mere mortals.
—
So yes, he is here. He is beautiful and he is healthy and he is ours.
We are so happy. (We are so tired.)
We are still practicing third position. Still leaving luggage on the floor, unpacked, unsorted. Still here, sauteing the cabbage.
But now there are four of us, mere mortals, stumbling into one another. Finding a rhythm, finding grace.
Finding each other.
Oh my gosh, I’m so happy for you all!! Congratulations!!!
thank you, tracey – we’re so over the moon!
Congratulations on your new son! What a beautiful story for him to know.
thank you so so much, wendy!
My heart is filled with joy and hope and thanksgiving for you and your whole family!!
thank you, shannon!
Congratulations on your new son, a very welcome addition to your family.
I have been reading your blog for almost a year now and am so pleased for your family
oh donna, thank you so much!
congratulations! Inhale that sweet baby smell and enjoy getting to know his soul.
ON IT! :) thank you friend!
This was beautifully written. xoxo
CONGRATS!!!!!
oh cori, thank you!
Such a beautiful story! Congratulations to you new little family of four!
thank you so so much, kelsey!
Oh, how wonderful! Congratulations to all three of you!!! And prayers as you and your husband adjust to a new rhythm of life with two precious children.
lauren! thank you for your sweet prayers!! :)
Congratulations Erin, Ken, Bee and Bernie & George, too! Welcome to your new family Scout … it’s going to be great! xo
sweet cindy – thank you!!!!!!!!!!! always love seeing your name pop up here. :)
Erin, Congratulations. I am so happy for you and your family. I love watching this story unfold. God bless you all.
thank you, katie!!!! :)
What wonderful news! Congratulations Erin,and Bee on being a big sister ?
oh viola, thank you so so much! :)
God is good!
amen!
So happy for your happiness! Welcome to the world, Scout!
thank you barbara!!!
You don’t know me, an almost 50 girl in another part of the country, but I feel like we are friends- because you’ve let me (and countless others) into your world through your blog. And since we are friends, I cried happy tears when I read this. May the Lord richly bless this family of four. Welcome Scout!
oh cathy, thank you for your sweet words and blessings and prayers!!!! sending big hugs your way. :)
What sweet & wonderful news!!! Congratulations!!! Blessings to you as you adjust to a new addition.
thank you so so much, natalie!
What beautiful news to read! Congratulations!
thank you sweet greer!
Erin! I am so thrilled, so amazed at this beautiful story. Many best wishes to your growing family.
Love,
Steph
oh steph, thank you sweet friend! sending big hugs your way – i miss you!
So beautiful! So wonderful!
thank you sandra! :)
This is so incredibly lovely. Congratulations on your 3 becoming a 4!
Thank you!!
What a beautiful memory to treasure! Blessings to your new beginnings as a family of four.
thank you so much angela! :)
Congrats to you and Ken, Erin! What wonderful news—looking forward to your posts on becoming a family of four!
thank you!!!!
Oh my gosh! Just reading your news and crying happy tears for you. Congrats on the new addition to your beautiful family! <3
oh thank you so much!
Congratulations!! We’ve been on the receiving end of that adoption call and I don’t know if there is anything more exciting! Good luck adjusting!
thank you sweet diana!
Your writing gives me goosebumps….congrats. Continue to be brave.
oh donna, thank you.
Oh such wonderful news!! We are just testing the waters of our own adoption journey and reading your post is heartwarming.
OH Sonrie, I wish you much peace on your own adoption path! Sending hugs.
oh welcome scout! i have a 10 month old (girl) scout and she’s the best thing since her older sister came along. :) congrats!!
Ahhhhh, I love hearing this! Big hugs, Katie!
just cried through this whole post. it’s so beautiful – the writing, the story, the faith… just all of it! so happy for your family and your heart for adoption! xx
oh sweet amy, THANK YOU!