I’m not a fan of small talk, not in the slightest. I’m just not good at it; I want to dive in – faster, deeper, down into the depths of what makes us all tick. (I know you’re not surprised by this.) So basically, when surrounded by friends or acquaintances or colleagues or family, I like to keep a few intentional conversation starters in my back pocket for when the constant chatter slows to a murmur and the conversation is in dire danger of turning into weather observation territory.
I get that this isn’t cool. It’s not effortless (you know how I feel about that word), and it doesn’t necessarily allow for an organic conversational flow. Still, it’s something I can’t shake – this need to actually know each other and not just know things about each other. I don’t know, it’s a thing I have. And so, I ask questions. This one’s a current favorite:
“What’s the biggest misconception people have about the role that you play?
Friends, this will turn into a five hour conversation, easy. This question covers so much territory – image management, self perception, relational observations. It is astounding the lies we believe on a daily basis. For instance, here are my answers, for a few of my own roles:
Role: Blogger.
Misconception: That I’m narcissistic. That I overshare. That my life is glossy.
Role: Working Mother.
Misconception: That I think following my dreams are more important than training my child.
Role: Christian.
Misconception: That I’m holier than thou. That I don’t have doubts. That I’ve figured it out. That I’m better for it.
Lies, lies, lies. See what I mean? This question is a shovel, digging hard and strong and fast into some really, really rocky terrain. It’s best asked in a trusted circle where vulnerability is an agreed-upon pursuit, completely void of comparison.
Anyway, give it a go. Ask your husband or daughter or nextdoor neighbor that sometimes comes over to watch your two cats. Tell me what happens. (You know I want to hear.)
I’m so, so, so not good at small talk… this afternoon I’m headed out to a beach weekend with friends that I don’t know super well, and I’m dreading the awkward silences that I don’t really know how to fill. I’ll take all the tips I can get and will definitely be keeping this one in my back pocket!!
Oh let me know how it goes! And enjoy the beach, friend!
Oh I So dislike small talk and awkward moments too!:) this is a great question. I can just listen and not have to say much. Haha. Seriously though it it great to know you are a Christian too. God really blessed those who Seek Him first. Very pretty Erin!
Oh, thank you sweet Marilen!
I’m a person who also wants to know my friends deeply. If they’re not willing to share the good/bad/ugly stuff with me, I don’t feel close to them, and our friendship fades…the small talk just doesn’t do it for me!
I’m with you, lady! :)
Ooooh, good question for next time I get together with my Circle of girls. = )
YESSSSS!
“What do you like to do when you aren’t working?”
I get so many interesting answers!
When I have asked that question, more often than not I get a blank look, stunned somehow as if I’d asked the “wrong” question. It usually takes them a bit of time to answer; they usually have to give it more thought than the standard “what do you do for work answer.”
This will not stop me from asking that question again. I expect someday I’ll bump into someone with a really great hobby or interest.
Yes!
Oh I LOVE that question, Olivia!!!! Thank you!
Can I admit something terrible? I don’t even bring up being a christian (i know, i know) or work it into convos, even though it is a tremendous component of who i am and what I believe, because as soon as I mention church, being protestant, or even organ music– i can just see that place (what you mentioned) is where everyone I am talking to goes.
sigh. overcoming those misconceptions are such a goal. such a goal.
SUCH a goal. When you overcome it, please give me your secret? ;) Kidding. No secret, I suppose. Just faith and trust and love. :)
I got this vibe from you as soon as we connected in Singapore. You didn’t just ask me about what I did or what I liked, you went straight into my WHY: why are you here in Singapore at this blog workshop, and I told you my dream, my vision, my goals for where I wanted to take my blog — and more than that — where I wanted to go in life. It was fun to hang around Bloesem for the odd hour or so after everyone left, so that I could ask you questions beyond just DFM and blogging. And about being a Christian? You never had to say it. I knew you had God’d love in you when you took the time to talk to me and get to know me, even just for an hour. Thank you, Erin!
Oh you, Martine. You’re such a kind, kindred spirit. All my love to you and your sweet, sweet family. (Hope you’re feeling well!)