A journal entry from months ago:
April 30th, 12:04am. The laptop glows in our darkened kitchen and I hear only muffled sounds – small swells of laughter from the basement as Ken hosts a late-night birthday party for friends, Bernie re-positioning underneath my chair into the shape of a question mark, the dining room clock ticking, ticking, ticking.
I turned in my final book edits tonight.
I don’t know if it was ready, but I was ready.
It’s hard to change what’s changing you. It’s hard to know when you’re finished with something so big, so personal. There are always cuts to make. There are always sentences to fix. There are a million ways to do better.
At some point, I suppose you just have to accept that it’s fine. That it’s better than fine – that it’s good, even. That it will never be perfect, and wrinkling your brow over switchbacks/timelines/commas/colons will do nothing but delay the gift you wanted to give in the first place.
The gift you wanted to receive, too.
In truth, I am terrible at self-promotion. I still hold this oddly-placed belief that what will be will be, that these things work themselves out, that whoever is meant to read my words will read my words with or without any prodding on my part.
Writing the book changed me a little, and anything else feels like greed.
Is this just fear speaking? Is this my mind twisting itself into a thinly-veiled version of humility? Is this my heart’s way of protecting itself, of forming a barrier of pride, a hardened shell of protection, a shrug of the shoulders, a Canadian ‘Eh?’
So what if no one reads it, eh?
Writing this book was hard. It was personal and (here comes a widely over-used word:) vulnerable, and I simply don’t know how else to explain it. I was raw afterward. I am raw afterward.
I don’t know if I did this story justice, if I gave my story justice. I don’t know if I chose the right words, the right format, the right perspective, the right structure.
But I like it, and I’m sending it away.
Ken is wiser than me, by far, and back in October of last year when I first hit ‘Send’ on the original manuscript, I spent the entire day picking at my cuticles, questioning, doubting, fearing the worst.
What if I missed something? What if I left something out, something necessary, something the book needed to have a pulse or a rhythm or at the very least, a good and working PLOT?!
And because Ken is wiser than me, by far, he said this:
A book is never finished. It’s simply published.
And of course he was right. Of course a book isn’t finished until its writer is finished, but it is published, and in this case, will be published, on January 10th, to be exact.
I’m scared to say this, but I like this book. I love this book. I think (hope) you’ll love this book, too.
It’s here, if you’d like to send a gift to The Future You in 2017.
And I’m here, thanking you for it all.
p.s. There are these things called launch teams (I’m evergreen; bear with me), and if you’d like to help promote the book in any way/shape/form, please join here by next Wednesday!
I love your writing style, so I can imagine myself absolutely loving this book. Congratulations on making it a reality. I’m in the same boat on self-promotion but if it’s something you’re proud of it’s worth shouting (or at least talking) about
Thank you sweet Natalie!!!
“I don’t know if it was ready, but I was ready.” – this sentence resonates with me. such a lovely writing :)
thank you niken. :)
I am so proud of you for being brave and facing the many challenges and sacrifices that have been a part of this journey. I, too, love your gift of writing so sensitively and I know that many will be blessed by your words. Your words do not have to be perfect to help others, including me. Knowing that you are sincere about what you are saying will empower your readers.
Ahhh thank you Mom. :)
SO.EXCITED!! I came on to the Design scene with your letters to Bee and have been hooked since. You have so much to give to the world, Erin. I’m so excited for you, and for us, to read your words. BIG xoxoxo
Oh Jamie, thank you SO much. You’ve been such an encouragement!
PRE-ORDERED! Oh my goodness… my heart and my prayers are all for you today. What you contribute to this world… beyond words. Simply can’t wait!
Oh Lisa, thank you!!!!!!! And if you haven’t signed up for the launch team, I’d love your help!:
Well, thank you, now I know what to put on my wishlist for Christmas. I haven’t read a book in years, because, well, the era of little children and work life balance,and just falling asleep on the couch after the children finally sleep :-). But it’s getting better, and I’m looking forward on reading again, and especially on reading your book. All your writings are so so beautiful and spot-on, so it must be great to have a whole book of that :-). Congratulations!
And I am sending this piece of wisdom to my husband who is a compulsive perfectionist and quit his phd a few years ago (because it was never gonna be good enough to fit his own standards), but now this week has started, to finally write it. As it is. (therapy helped him a lot lately, but it is kind of very scary if he will succeed this time in just finishing his research and accepting that it is enough as it is.)
because, like you say: it never is really finished. It’s published.
Oh Liesbeth — you are so so kind. (My husband is a perfectionist, too!!!!!!) Sending all my love. :)
Thank you for your encouragement, friend!!!!!!! I hope you love it indeed. And if you’d like to join the launch team, you can get an advance copy BEFORE Christmas! We’d love to have you. :)
Already pre-ordered one for me and one for my mom! You are such a beautiful writer – I can’t wait to read it! :)
Oh gracious, you are so kind! And I’d love for you to consider joining the launch team if you’re up for it?!
I look forward to your posts daily! I am so looking forward to reading your book. Congratulations on this amazing milestone! (Pre-ordered!)
Vicki, thank you so much! I’m so grateful for your encouragement. :)
Congratulations, Erin! I just put your book in my cart and look forward to January! I will turn 63 on Jan 9 and my youngest granddaughter will turn ONE on that same day! Wishing you all the blessings of a lovely Thanksgiving with your sweet family.
Oh Cynthia – I’m so thrilled to have your support, and I’m so happy the book will arrive for a belated happy birthday!!!!! What a blessing to share your birthday with such a beloved little lady. :) All my best to you!
this post made me cry…I know I’ve never even met you but I’m just so happy for you! And I’m so happy I get to read your book!
oh goodness jana thank you!!!!! is so hope you’ll consider joining the launch team?! i’d LOVE to have you!!!
Congratulations, Erin! With several false starts under my own belt, I appreciate the enormous effort you have put into this. Can’t wait to read it!
oh janette, you’re so very kind. thank you, thank you. and for what it’s worth, i think false starts can be such great practice rounds. here’s to diving in when we’re ready!
I can’t wait to read it .xox
Oh thank you Lindsey!!!!
I an SO looking forward to reading your lovely, unfinished book! xo
Thank you so so much Barb!
Pre-ordered the book already! Excited about my January read! I love your writing style, very refreshing, graceful and uplifting.I am looking forward to getting inspired. Congratulations and best wishes for the book release. :)
Oh thank you sweet Rashi!
I cannot wait to read this book. Because I love the way you use words. Because I too am chasing slow right now.
I only wish I could have read this sooner so I could have been on your launch team but I will share with everyone in every possible way I can all the same.
Thank you Erin for being you and for sharing you on this blog and now this book that I am sure I will LOVE.
oh shayla — thank you! (and don’t you worry — i just added you to the launch list!!!!!!!!!!!) ;)
I can not wait to get my hands on this book! I am so proud of you, and look forward to this awesome read in 2017!
thank you SO much, friend!
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